Thank you for your answers, but unfortunately as near as I can tell I was already doing that.
My sanitized query:
SELECT '' AS V1, '' as V2
ls.[V1] as V1,
ls.[V2] as V2
FROM SERVER.TABLE as ls
ls.[CONDITION1] = X and ls.[CONDITION2] = Y AND ls.[V!] LIKE '%FUBARBAZ%'
This comes back in SQL Management Studio with the desired result set. Is there something I'm missing here? Any additional ideas?